CHOICES

you wanna know what pisses me off? the advisor of brown college never called me, instead she called my stupid independent living services worker and she told her that she didn't think that i'd be able to take just one class. she never bothered calling me today and if she called my cell phone (which she probably didn't), i just turned it off because i was talking to my grandma on it and she pissed me off and she said that she had to stop talking to me but she'd call me back later (she never does). i told her what the advisor of the college said and what my independent living services worker said about not being able to take just one class and my grandma did as i expected and said, "well.. let me just think about this.." which in other words means "i don't know what to do, i'll just hope this problem gets solved by itself.. i'm not even going to bother to deal with it.." this frustrates me because she says this to me a lot and nothing gets done about the problem. i don't even know why i moved closer to her, she's not really helping me more. she's the one who wants me to go back to brown and finish up my degree, it's almost like i'm living her life. i've told her what i want and she tells me that no one will be there to help me when i need it. well.. she acts like it'll be a big difference compared to what i have now. she's lived her life, i want to live mine. let me make my mistakes. i've already made a bunch and i'm trying to bounce back and if this is what she calls helping me- i really don't want help. i think i cried twice today and yesterday outta frustration. crying doesn't help things and it makes me mad that other people do things to make me cry but i can't find any other way to vent. my independent living services worker tried to use my words against me when i said to her that i didn't want to be in school til i was 30. wwwwwwweeeeeeellllll... I DON'T WANT TO BE IN A FUCKING WHEELCHAIR TIL I'M 30 EITHER. it can go both ways, the way it looks right now.. it's either rehab OR school.. i was trying to do both but the advisor doesn't seem to be giving into that idea. OR I MIGHT JUST HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER COLLEGE WHERE I CAN GET A SCHEDULE THAT CAN ACTUALLY WORK WITH ME. the nurse at this program asked me today about doing online classes, which i'm not sure when their tutoring sessions are open because that could be a possibility.. IF BROWN OFFERS ONLINE CLASSES IN THE CLASSES THAT I NEED TO TAKE, WHICH THEY PROBABLY DON'T. my grandma said to me, "oh yeah, that's a possibility.. you could take online classes.. i could always help you with them..." but if the material is anything like the stuff we learned at rasmussen, i don't think she'll understand it because i remember asking her a question about something in one of my online classes that i took at rasmussen and she looked at me like i was speaking to her in a different language and told me to ask the tutors at the library.